I'm hoping to do better

What's your golf score?" the country club interviewer asked the prospective new member.

"Well, not so good," replied the golfer. "It's 69."

"Hey, that's not bad. In fact, it's very good."

"Glad you think so. I'm hoping to do even better on the next hole," the golfer confided.

Green golf balls

A golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro asks him what he wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the golfer replies. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks him, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"

Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

Why not night golf ?

It seems that four very low-handicapped players were playing their normal course. Unusually, the play was very slow and the players began to get frustrated. By the tenth hole, they began firing their tee shots at the foursome ahead of them, who were constantly in the woods and were the root cause of the slow play.

Finally, the good foursome finished their round, coming in just under eight hours. After spotting the slow group in the clubhouse, they went right after them, swearing. The club pro saw this spectacle and pulled aside the guys. He said: "Didn't you know that the foursome ahead of you are all blind; they're taking part in a special event."

After hearing this, the foursome immediately reconsidered. The first one said, "Just to show how sorry I am, I'll pay for their green fees." The second replied, "And I'll pay for their carts." Predictably, the third member said, "Whatever food and drinks they want, I'll pay for them." The club pro considered their acts very gracious and, turning to the fourth member, said: "And what are you going to do for them?"

The golfer, still noticeably upset, retorted, "To hell with them, they could have played last night!"

The Scotsman's caddie

One day, a scotsman went playing golf. After standing a while on the green he asked the boy standing beside him: "You are my caddie for today?"

"Yes," answered the boy.

"You are good in finding lost balls?"

"Oh yes, I find every lost ball!"

"Okay, boy, then run and search for one, then we can start!"

I have to give up golf

I'm going to have to give up golf," Fred sadly advised the club secretary. "I've become so nearsighted I keep losing balls and if I play with glasses they keep falling off."

"Listen, don't give up;" the secretary replied. "What about teaming up with old Harry Jones." "But he's in his 80s and can only just make it around the course."

"Yes, yes, he's old, but he's also farsighted and he'll be able to see where you've hit your ball. It's a way to stay on playing."
The next day Fred and old Harry played their first game together. Fred teed off first and his powerful swing took the ball sailing up the fairway.

"Did you see it?" he asked Harry. "Yes," the old-timer answered.

"Where did it go?" "I forget!" came the reply.